The Nordic Goalbot: Haaland breaks record for quickest 10-goal haul in Premier League history

It is a derby not based on history or geographical location but recent manifestation. One which has served up some brilliant games over the past few seasons, and some equally drab ones. Fortunately for us, Sunday’s Clash of the Titans blockbuster between Manchester City and Arsenal – the only two teams who have looked capable of winning the title during the last two campaigns, with City prevailing by a hair’s breadth both times – fell under the former synopsis. 

City started rambunctiously, reminding us all that despite the great contenders paying them a visit, they are still the king pins and were not about to be rolled over in their own backyard. Pep Ball was in full force, an array of sky blue shirts effortlessly pinging triangles around the visiting Gunners who for the first 15 minutes could barely get near the ball. 

And then it happened, the inevitable – not just City scoring, but Erling Haaland being the one to do it on the biggest occasion. 

A sumptuous first touch by one summer signing – Savinho – sent another of the transfer window’s headliners for the proverbial hot dog. Riccardo Calafiori, signed from Bologna in the summer, was making only his first league start of the campaign and out of position at left-back. Some way to welcome your new addition to the league. 

The Italian was left for dead by the Brazilian wide man who then fed the onrushing Haaland with a perfectly weighted through ball. The Norwegian did the rest, as he always does, swooping home under David Raya to put the hosts 1-0 in front and lay a marker down for the rest of what was going to be a uniquely enthralling heavyweight bout. 

Record-breaker

Haaland’s opener at the Etihad was his 10th goal of the Premier League season and we are just five games in – no player has ever done that in the league’s history. 

During his debut campaign in England in 2022-23, the 24-year-old raced to 10 goals in six matches, equalling big Mick Quinn in 1992-93. He has now gone one better and has edged himself to within just 29 goals of the Premier League’s exclusive 100 Club. At this rate, he might just end up in it come May.

The Nordic Goalbot has now scored 100 goals for Manchester City and only joined the club in 2022. 

His capabilities are frightening, and it is almost as if each time he ferociously thunders the ball into the net he is replaying Roy Keane’s comments comparing him to someone playing League Two. 

We are not even out of September and, injuries permitting, Haaland will almost certainly be picking up his third successive Golden Boot award come the end of the season, presumably among some other accolades.

A game of two halves 

Despite such a frenetic opening period, where it looked as though City would turn the tie into a dead rubber – much like they did in the 5-0 drubbing towards the end of the 2022-23 campaign – Arsenal reacted positively to going a goal behind. 

Calafori redeemed himself by scoring an absolutely beautiful long range, outswinging curled effort just 13 minutes later; the sort of shot you barely ever see and even if you do, Ederson isn’t the one being beaten by it. Truthfully, though, no goalkeeper in the world would have got a hand to it. 

Arsenal then snatched the lead with yet another tremendously worked set-piece goal, Gabriel losing Kyle Walker to nod home at the back post in similar fashion to his match-winner away at Tottenham just a week prior. 

Leandro Trossard’s sending off for amassing two yellow cards right before the half-time interval changed the dynamic of the game completely, and the second 45 was an absolute backs-to-the-wall job from the Gunners, who introduced plenty of dark arts tactics to run down the clock. 

City probed the defending 9 men of outfield Arsenal players to the point where I was exhausted by just watching it. 

David Raya made some crucial saves and further highlighted his importance to Arteta’s side, and it looked as if the Londoners were heading for a monumental victory in the north-west, which would have been their first since 2015. 

That was until a quickly taken and well-worked corner from Jack Grealish set up Mateo Kovacic, whose shot was blocked but then fell fortuitously into the path of substitute John Stones to tap in from close range. 

2-2, honours even, and the title race as wide as ever at this early stage. As for Haaland, good luck to anyone facing him in this form – I’m glad I can watch it from the sofa.